“Work is LOVE made Visible” Kahlil Gibran
This is my loving gift to you during this holiday season.
I wish I had had something like this back when we lost a loved one. I wanted to make something for my friends and family, so they wouldn’t have to experience the mess that comes after you loose the person you love. It’s not fun, but it is important.
Here are some notes I have been taking and if anything, it’s a tribute to those who have come before us and those who stay when we go. May we all find a gift in getting clarity on what to know.
Before you exit, consider these questions and maybe grab a pen and paper and write it down for those that you love.
Be Kind- Make a plan:
Let your loved ones know now what you want, it doesn’t have to be an all out sad discussion, but if you talk about it you will eliminate so much burden from the ones you love.
What do I want done with my body?
What kind of service do you want? A Celebration of Life? A trip where you all gather to have fun and share memories for the ones you love? Share your ideas with your closest, this is something that is rarely discussed.
For more details on preparing financially, physically, emotionally, check out this book.
After someone has passed, you will be issued a death certificate, ask for 10 official copies, you will need them. (This was the absolute BEST information I was given.)
Contact the following after a loss:
Chapel, Crematorium whom ever can help you with the body.
Relatives and friends
The individual who will manage the estate (personal representative)
Employer of Deceased
Insurance Companies- make sure you have access to these, maybe make a list of the insurances you are covered by with policy numbers and who to contact- get claim forms for life, health, and accidental insurance, This is not fun for anyone to go through all of your files and try to figure it all out, please do this. Create one file and know that you are doing this because you love the ones that you are leaving behind someday.
Religious, fraternal, civic and Veterans organizations and unions (if applicable)
Lawyer and Accountant
These are VITAL to have in one place:
Trust/Will
Legal proof of age and birth certificate
Power of Attorney for financial matters
Power of Attorney for medical decisions or Advance Directive
Marriage license
Insurance Policies
Bank account information
All deeds and titles
Vehicle records, titles and registrations
Tax Records
Credit Card Statements
Financial investment statements
Loan documents
Deed to cemetery plot- if you have one
Safe deposit box and key
Passwords to banks, phone, any autopayment information
Social Security Card or #
If you use a funeral home or cremation place, they will give you a list of what to do from there, but these items above are crucial.
The most important thing you can do for your family is make a Will or have a Trust. With this, it will be a long expensive process along the way, which can make this more painful for family If you plan ahead and prepare an estate plan, this will help your family avoid any unnecessary delays, costs, grief and confusion.
Important things to know:
Citizenship info
Religious organizations to which you belong
Military service
Where your living will is located
Your health care power of attorney and where is that document located
Who you appoint to handle these things
Your DNR and where it is located (Do Not Resuscitate order)
Are you an organ donor? (Man, just so you know, your family members will get this call the day of your passing, so be very clear about what you want done)
Blood Type
Health Insurance information and names and passwords for where all of this is stored
Having this written up up and given to your executor will make his/her process easier
Your attorneys name and contact info
Accountant info
Important Documents you will leave behind that your family members will need:
Drivers License
Passport
Birth Certificate
Marriage Certificate
Divorce Papers
Address Book
User names and Passcodes for the following:
Banks
Investments
Car loans
Home loan
Mortgage Lender name and contact info
Tax Records
Rewards Programs you belong to
Credit Cards
Subscriptions
Any accounts you have online, make a list with names and passwords and tell someone where it is that you trust. THIS IS SOOOOO Important
This can be last on the list but helpful
What is owed to you? Personal loans, details about that.
Judgments, location of paperwork
Assets & possession
Here are some of the things your beneficiaries can expect
Life Insurance Policies, let them know what you plan for
Employer Benefits
Social Security
Retirement Accounts
Personal Property- Real Estate
Vehicles, Cars, Boats, Toys, whatever- write down what you want to go where
Hidden Valuables
Your Pets where do you want them to go?
What accounts to pay, close and cancel, make a list.
Social Media Accounts an User names and passcodes
I hope you consider this a gift, because if it helps you it helps all. Don’t forget, you are leaving a legacy, leave it in good shape for the ones you love.
No one ever is prepared for this experience, yet we all go through it.
Allow yourself to be loved while you are here, love the ones your with and talk about this. Its important. Maybe it could be a night in with some good music going through all of this with a loving heart, knowing that you and your partner get to support one another, now and later.
These conversations can be hard to have for some, and taking the guess work out of what we want helps those around us.
May this process be a gift in your life. Sending love and beauty during this holiday season
Lisa Watts Smith